


The Perfect Nanny

by alvahana



Category: White Collar
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-02-04 08:20:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1772176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvahana/pseuds/alvahana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back when Diana was still pregnant with Theo, Neal'd thought motherhood might soften her a little. But lately he found out it was definitely not the case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perfect Nanny

Neal was in the middle of a stakeout with Diana in the van when her phone vibrated on the desk. Picking it up, the agent saw a text message had just come in.  
  
“Damn it,” she cursed after reading the message.  
  
“Everything alright, Diana?” Neal asked, noticing her frown.  
  
“Just got a text from Theo’s nanny. Says she needs to leave right now ‘cause of some family emergency.”  
  
“Who’s gonna look after the baby then?”  
  
“No one,” Diana grumbled. “Where am I supposed to find a replacement at seven p.m.?”  
  
Neal gave her a knowing look. “Well, I know someone will be more than happy to lend you a hand.”  
  
Diana’s heart sank when she saw his expression. “Uh-uh, not him. I don’t want that little guy anywhere near Theo.”  
  
“Why? What did he do?”  
  
“Ask him yourself. Seriously, is there any other option?”  
  
“I’d suggest June if she isn’t out of town visiting her granddaughter. And before you ask, Elizabeth’s having an event tonight.”  
  
Diana let out a frustrating sigh. “So I don’t really have a choice, do I.”  
  
Neal shrugged with a sympathetic smile, which Diana returned with a groan. “All right. Call him.”  
  
Neal made sure to dial the latest number Mozzie gave him just a few days ago — ever since the FBI burned Mozzie’s real identity, his quirky friend had been changing burner phone on a weekly basis. On the fifth ring, Neal was greeted by a chipper voice.  
  
“Hey, Moz, it’s me. Where are you?” Neal said. “…No, I’m not in trouble. Listen, Diana needs a favor. We’re on stakeout duty and she needs someone to take care of Theo for a couple of hours.” Neal paused and rolled his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint you, she didn’t fire the babysitter…” — now it was Diana’s turn for an eye roll — “what? God, no. The nanny's alive and well. She just has to leave ‘cause something urgent came up. Please don’t sound so thrilled.” He shook his head in a long-suffering way.   
  
“…Yeah, okay. Thanks, Moz.” Neal saw Diana gesturing to him when he was about to hang up. “Uh, hang on. Diana wants to talk to you,” he said and passed her the phone.  
  
“Mozzie, listen to me carefully, I — hello?” She turned to Neal in disbelief. “He hung up on me!”  
  
“…Must’ve run out of minutes. Burner phone.” Neal said as he gingerly took the phone from her tight grip. But Diana didn’t look convinced at all. “Don’t worry. He said he’ll go over to your place right away. I can call him for you again later.” At that, she seemed to ease up, only a little.   
  
“I just hired the babysitter. Mozzie better not scare her away this time, or I swear I’ll strangle him.”  
  
“You should keep him alive if it comes to that. He will gladly take over the job.”  
  
“That does not make me feel better.”  
  
“I thought Theo likes his company.”  
  
“Oh, he does, _very_. That’s what I’m worried about.” At  Neal’s questioning look, Diana explained, “You know what I caught him doing last time I let him watch Theo? He was reading him a book.”  
  
His brows drew together. “And that’s bad because…?”  
  
“The book’s called ‘The Ten Biggest Lies the United States Government Has Ever Told’, written by none other than him!” Diana growled. “Theo’s only eighteen months old, for God’s sake!”  
  
Before Neal could respond, she continued, “and you know what the worst part is?” He shook his head and waited for the punch line. “Last week I brought Theo to a toy store. He pointed at an Obama figurine and kept calling it ‘alien clone’!”  
  
Neal chuckled. Mozzie would be overjoyed to know that his intensive indoctrination paid off.   
  
“Well, at least he made Theo an excellent vocabulary,” Neal quipped. But apparently the agent wasn't in the mood for jokes.  
  
“Not funny, Caffrey.” She deadpanned.  
  
Neal took the hint and shut up. Two years ago, when Diana was still pregnant with the baby boy, he'd thought motherhood might soften her a little. But lately he found out it was definitely not the case; mother hen Berrigan was just as bad ass as before, if not scarier.  
  
After a minute or two, Diana suddenly said, “You know what? I’ve changed my mind. Strangulation is too easy on him. I’m gonna break his little fingers one by one instead. That way he can’t write anymore stupid conspiracy books to brainwash innocent children.”  
  
 _Yeah, definitely scarier._  
  
\------  
  
The stakeout took longer than they’d expected. Held up by a new lead on one of the active investigations, the relief team — Jones and Blake — didn’t arrive before eleven o’clock. By the time they left the van, Diana seemed distraught with worry. Neal offered to go check on Theo with her, hoping to serve as a buffer in case Mozzie had done something crazy to further agitate her. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be spared if his fear turned out to be true.  
  
“You don’t have to come with me, Neal. I’m not really gonna murder your quirky friend,” Diana said while driving the Taurus at a high speed. Her tone, however, implied she still had every intention to make Mozzie’s life miserable.  
  
A quick glance at her face told Neal it was better to keep that to himself. “Just gonna get him out of your way so you and Theo can get some sleep,” he said instead.  
  
Diana simply made an acknowledging sound, focused on getting to the destination as fast — not necessarily safe — as possible.  
  
“Um, Di, you may want to slow down a little bit.”  
  
“What, I’m not speeding.”  
  
She wasn’t, but the way she was driving made it hard for Neal to believe that. It was actually worse than sitting in Peter’s car, Neal discovered. Because right now the tree on the touch screen panel was quickly losing its leaves as if being attacked by a storm. At least when Peter was the driver it just looked like winter was coming.  
  
Fortunately, the stakeout location wasn’t very far away from Diana’s house, and traffic was pretty smooth this late at night. Even so, when they finally pulled up outside the building, Neal couldn’t help but secretly sighed in relief.   
  
Diana didn’t bother parking properly or locking the car; she rushed towards the house. “Mozzie!” She called out in a hushed tone as soon as she opened the front door. No one answered.   
  
“Theodore Winters!” She tried again as they went inside, a little louder this time. The house was quiet and no one was in sight in the living room. Followed closely by Neal, she went straight for the nursery, which was where they found Mozzie and Theo.  
  
Mozzie was dozing in the recliner, his arms cradling the baby boy in a gentle, protective way. Theo, absorbed in tugging the ear of a ragged teddy bear, seemed really happy and didn’t even notice the arrival of his mommy and Uncle Neal.  
  
Diana let out a relieved breath, her worried expression melting into a warm smile. Neal found he couldn't hide a smile either. Crouching down, he gently shook his friend’s shoulder. “Hey, Moz. Wake up, buddy.”  
  
Mozzie blinked awake. “Oh…Neal, Lady Suit, you’re back.”   
  
“Sorry for coming back late,” Neal said. “I see you two are having a great time with each other.”  
  
“Of course we do.” Mozzie looked down at Theo fondly and gave him a few slight bounce. The baby giggled joyfully and hugged the teddy bear with his tiny hands.  
  
“Thank you, Mozzie,” Diana said as she scooped up Theo. “I really appreciate you coming over on such short notice.”   
  
“Ah, it’s nothing. We adore each other.” Mozzie stood up, then poked the baby’s nose with a finger. “Isn’t it right, Teddy?”  
  
“It’s Theo.” She tried to sound stern, but was betrayed by her smile.  
  
“You should know he actually responds better to the name Teddy.”  
  
Diana chortled. “Yeah yeah. Whatever.”  
  
“How about you make it his middle name?” Mozzie said, his hands gesturing in a way when he thought he was making a brilliant suggestion. “Theo Teddy Berrigan. How regal is that?”  
  
“Moz.” Neal shook his head.  
  
Diana chose to ignore him. She turned around to lay Theo down on the wooden cot, which was when she noticed something strange about the toy. “Wait, what’s that inside its mouth?” she asked, picking up the teddy bear.  
  
“Oh, right, I nearly forget.” Mozzie said. “Since I won’t always be around to read Teddy my perceptive book to nurture his burgeoning mind, I’ve turned Mozart into a storytelling teddy bear by embedding a recorder and a speaker inside. Here, just press its left eye twice and it’ll start reciting the whole book in my voice.”  
  
Diana stared at him. Neal couldn’t resist the urge to rub his forehead.  
  
“No need for gratitude, Lady Suit,” Mozzie waved dismissively, looking contented with himself. “Just remember to let me know to ensure my presence when you interview Teddy’s new nanny. I believe this one’s going to quit soon.”


End file.
